Why am I doing this?

Why? … Before answering that I’ll explain what happened…

 

I still remember that day I was alone in my home in Sri Lanka, a week before I was supposed to leave to china. I had never traveled overseas and never lived away from my family before. So as you can see I was much tensed.

 

When the day was coming near my father who was supposed to come with me got sick. So I actually had to travel alone by myself to a total foreign country. All what was going in mind was negativity. I was anxious as I have never been before. I was thinking I will be all alone there, I will not have anyone to talk to. So I was already feeling lonely even before I left. But somehow I managed to conquer my mind and decide to go through my decision because I knew my true purpose was to medicine.

 

The first night I slept alone in the dormitory room, I howled and cried like a little baby. I was missing my family a lot, especially my mother. And I didn’t know anybody here, so I was feeling very lonely. One of my first fears had come true.

 

Then a miracle happened! I met my very first friend here. We quickly became best friends. I met many other people through him. And I met a couple of guys from other countries as well. So I got very close to couple of guys. I went on walks with them, watched movies with them, went out to have awesome food with them. Life was good. I was very happy!

 

But it is life we are talking about here. It is unpredictable. After one year one of the other guys I was very close with had to leave, suddenly. Suddenly as in yesterday everything was ok, today he is leaving. It was devastating for me. But somehow I managed to get myself together and help him move on.

 

I remember the day he left I came back to my room after dropping him off, I felt really bad. I had never felt more alone in my life. I started depending on my other best friend here. And I was getting more and more attached to him due to my increasing of loneliness.

 

After around 4 months since the first guy left, my other friend got some family issues. He started to change to a person I hardly recognized. Then he was hanging out with some bad crowd. It was devastating for me. In the end we stopped hanging out and he just became someone I simply see in the hallway.

 

At this point life was very hard for me. It was a very low point in my life. I remember I was even begging and crying in front of my friend for to things to go back for what they were.

 

I was spending more and more time alone. I thought I was the unluckiest person on earth.

 

One day I was bored had nothing to do and was chilling with YouTube. I stumbled across this video of Harry potter author J.K. Rowland giving an inspiring speech on Harvard graduation. I was so inspired by it and I started watching similar videos like that. Videos that motivated me to at least keep the day going.

 

I came to realize it’s my perspective on life that matters. Even if I’m Alone (which most people have to be at some point of their lives) I don’t have to feel lonely. I don’t have to depend on anyone or on any circumstance. I can and I only will be the person who can get myself to bliss.

 

So a new journey began.

 

I’m still not perfect but I’m way happier and more content and peaceful with life. The funny thing is no one else changed, the circumstances didn’t change. But I changed. I became happy and content day by day. It was by me taking an active part in my own happiness.

 

I quit social media except for YouTube. I didn’t want anyone else’s likes because I liked myself every day. My day started to not depend on someone else’s likes. I stopped comparing myself to others, which was happening to often before.

 

And finally I realized who true friends actually are. They are people who will never hurt you intentionally. Based on this discovery I was able to achieve few great friends in contrast to superficial ‘best’ friends.

 

So to answer my question.

 

The reason I typed all this and anything I type in the future, is for you. You, who are going through something similar or probably even the same situation. Or maybe you are in a worse place than me. It doesn’t matter. You have hope. Just believe in yourself. Whatever I went through, it made me only stronger. The only difference is I didn’t quit. Instead I decided to take action!

 

So if this actually help just even one person. He or she decides to be the change instead of quitting, I can say I have fulfilled my purpose.

 

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2 thoughts on “Why am I doing this?”

  1. This article reminded me of the quote, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change”.
    ‘I didn’t want anyone else’s likes because I liked myself every day’ I just loved this phrase. Bang on! Mr. Positive. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

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